A Realistic Cleaning Schedule to Crush Your Cleaning Goals
Based On Your Unique Personality, Plus A Printable Schedule
When it comes to cleaning, we’re guessing you generally fall into one of two categories. You’re either really into it and try to make time for it every day or you’ve made friends with clutter and mess. Put another way, you’re either Larry or Balki. So we thought to ourselves, what better way to honor you and your unique approach to cleaning than with a cleaning schedule customized to your precise personality?
One way to do this would have been to build a Back-to-the-Future-style apparatus from which we could algorithmically calculate your cleaning type based on brand preferences, buying habits, water and electric usage, and relationship with your mother.
But then we thought it’d be easier just to have you answer this question:
How often do you think about cleaning?
A) Once a day or more
B) Once a month or less
If you answered A, see Cleaning Schedule A. If you answered B, see Cleaning Schedule B.
Cleaning Schedule A
Once a day or more, huh? You’re probably also the kind of person who limits your television time and remembers to have the mail stopped when you leave town. We see you. You deserve a cleaning schedule that supports your get-err-done attitude, while giving you permission to take intermittent breaks for pizza.
Daily:
- Pick up extraneous objects chucked on the floor by other careless housemates
- Wash dishes immediately after use
- Launder clothes and resent the people who wear more than one outfit a day
- Wipe handprints off the TV
- Clean unidentifiable food smudges off tablet screens
- Collect and organize kid toys, if you got ‘em
- Wipe countertops, stand back in the light to admire your work, see more splatters, wipe again
- Make beds and consider throwing out all your decorative pillows
- Fold throw blankets into pleasing shapes and drape them artistically over pieces of furniture
- Clean stovetops and wonder how oil got all over every single knob
- Fluff and organize throw pillows, but know that they’ll be disrupted again at any moment
- Wipe out broccoli explosion in the microwave
- Wash out pet food bowls
- Close all the closet and pantry doors that have been haphazardly left open by housemates who want you to slowly go insane
Weekly:
- Dust your blinds with a Swiffer Duster
- Avoid standing on something you’re not certain will hold your weight and dust your light fixtures by using a Swiffer Super Extender (tip: It extends up to 6 feet!)
- Wipe down your baseboards and become baffled about how much hair your family members have lost
- Clean the fridge drawers, making sure to drain the river of liquid underneath your rotting vegetables
- Vacuum the whole house
Monthly:
- Scrub shower walls
- Have three cups of coffee and vacuum your drapes and fabric shades
- Freshen your garbage disposal drain first by vowing to use a heavy-duty solution, but compromising by throwing a lemon wedge down there
- Clean your oven interior
Yearly:
- Beg someone to help you move your furniture so you can clean behind and under it
- Remove scuff marks on walls and baseboards with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
- Clean your dryer duct because that’s a thing
- Clean your gutters (or hire someone else to do it)
- Wash all your window screens
Cleaning Schedule B
Gotcha. Your passion for cleaning falls somewhere between rolling quarters and untangling jewelry. We’re here to put the pep in your step with a completely attainable cleaning schedule that will—and we don’t want to overstate this—change your life. Once you organize your cleaning efforts into small but deliberate bursts of activity, you’ll see how quickly clean can be a part of your new routine.
Daily:
- Transfer all cereal bowls from sink to dishwasher
- Move objects thrown on the floor into a single pile in the corner of the room
- Collect all dirty laundry and put it in the laundry room. That’s enough for today
- Wipe countertops
- Pull your bedspread over your sheets in a somewhat pleasing fashion
Weekly:
- Dust your blinds with a Swiffer Duster
- Throw a rag at your light fixtures and hope it knocks some dust off
- Throw out the rotten food in your fridge
- Vacuum as much of the house as you can
- Spray some Febreze in the air to freshen things up
- Do the laundry, because underwear
Monthly:
- Clean the toilets
- Wipe out the interior of your shower
- Freshen your garbage disposal by throwing a lemon wedge down there
- Shake out your rugs
Yearly:
- Beg someone to help you move your furniture so you can clean behind and under it
- Remove scuff marks on walls and baseboards with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser
- Clean your dryer duct, because that’s a thing
- Clean your gutters (or hire someone else to do it)
- Wash all your window screens, collapse promptly
Click here to download your personal cleaning schedule
Hopefully, this cleaning checklist will improve your living conditions quite considerably. But more importantly, we hope it will inspire you to become the best cleaning version of yourself possible. Happy dusting!